We are hopefully selling our home of 8 ½ years this week. As we talked to the family who is buying the house from us, we wanted so much to convey what that home has meant to us. We knew that we could tell lots of stories of things that had happened in that home. We could describe our family pool parties, stories of clubhouses and play times, of sleepovers and reading together by the fireplace. We could describe the memories of what made our house a home, but we knew that no matter how good those stories and descriptions were, they would not allow this new family to feel what we feel toward our home. At best we could help them capture a vision of what the house could become for their family, but they will have to build their own memories, they will have to have their own experiences that change that house into their home. The same thing is true of our experience of God. We can read thousands of books and listen to thousands of sermons and personal witnesses, but the best they can do is help us capture a vision of what we can have, we though must have the relationship ourselves if we are to truly experience life in God.

Christianity, first and foremost, is built on a relationship, a relationship with God through Christ. The person of Jesus Christ is the lens through which we can begin to comprehend God’s character and will that is why I believe we talk about God through Christ. The foundation of our faith in God is not a set of ideas or even a set of beliefs; the foundation is a relationship. That is not to say that ideas and beliefs are unimportant, but we can and do have great diversity of beliefs about God and about the person and work of Jesus Christ while still being together in a committed community. Relationships involve more than knowing about someone, they involve connection and interaction with the other.

Christians throughout the ages have found that certain practices or habits help them develop and grow that connection to God through Christ. Over the next six weeks, George and I are going to reflect on some of those habits with a sermon series entitled “The HABITS of a Growing Christian.” Each letter of the word HABITS identifies a practice or set of practices that help us to grow in faith. “H” is for have a relationship with God. “A” is for accountability with another Christian. “B” is be in service. “I” is involvement in the church body. “T” is for a tithing commitment. “S” is for study Scripture ⁱ . So today we start at the beginning.

As I said earlier to really experience the power and presence of God in our lives we need the “H” in HABITS, have a relationship with God. Like any relationship, a relationship with God takes effort and time. What is any intimate relationship built on? It is built on commitment, trust, respect, and mutual care. Good communication is essential. And any intimate relationship involves shared experiences that can help all these qualities deepen and grow over time. These same things move us into deeper relationship with God.

It all begins with a commitment. We define what we mean by accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord and ask people to affirm or reaffirm this commitment whenever we receive someone into the life of the church because commitment is essential to having a growing relationship. And it never hurts to reaffirm that commitment whether we have been faithful followers for months or for decades. Would any of us ever get tired of hearing “I love you and I am committed to you?” And doesn’t that regular reminder keep our vows and desire before us. That’s important because this relationship takes work.

I don’t know about your faith life, but mine is not always easy. There are times when I wrestle with God especially when I feel God is asking me to do something I’m not sure I want to do, when I have a hard time feeling God’s presence or when I am seeking direction from God and I don’t get an answer right away. The story we read about Jacob is a story I carry close to my heart. It tells me that it is OK to wrestle with God. It tells me that God will not abandon me if grapple with God. In fact, God initiated the wrestling match. Scott Peck in his book The Road Less Traveled says, “Couples cannot resolve in any healthy way the universal issues of marriage … without the security of knowing that the act of struggling over these issues will not itself destroy the relationship.” ⁱⁱ This same thing is true in our relationship with God. Unless we are confident enough in our relationship with God to wrestle with our deepest pain, fears, and longings, our relationship will remain on the surface. This story reminds me that God is willing to wrestle with me and with the issues or sin that is diminishing our bond. I also love this story because Jacob is so tenacious. Even with a broken hip he holds onto to God, “I won’t let you go until you bless me.” I try to remember that line in my own wrestling with God, “I won’t let you go until you bless me.” And I hear a small voice in the back of my mind, “and I won’t let you go no matter what.”

Our commitment to God and God’s everlasting commitment to us allow us to build trust. God often nudges me to do things that I don’t think I’m ready for or that I’m not sure that I want to do. George has mentioned several times about me wanting to have my own church after our time at Central UMC. Now I’m going to tell you the real story! (That’s why we switch preaching back and forth so we can tell on each other!) The truth is that I didn’t foresee George and I having separate churches for many years until after the girls had left home, but at a leadership training event I felt God calling me to pastor my own church. I went to George in tears and said, “George, I think God is calling me to have my own church.” To my absolute surprise, his response was “I knew that all along.” As frightening as it was for me to lead a church without my “George” safety net, it was a fabulous experience. And that is what has happened time after time as I have risked to trust God, each time I have found that God is faithful and my trust has been well founded. The more I risk, the more I learn to trust; the more I trust, the more I am willing to risk obedience, and my relationship with God becomes deeper. This involves surrendering our lives to God little by little, step by step as the commitment and trust grow and as we become more and more like Christ who surrendered himself totally to God.

As I said earlier, communication is essential to any relationship. Pastoral Counselor, Howard Clinebell, says “communication is to a relationship what oxygen is to your bodies.” ⁱⁱⁱ In the church, we call communication with God prayer. Some people think of prayer as repeating certain words on your knees with your hands folded in front and eyes squeezed shut and that is certainly a form of prayer. But prayer is a conversation with God. Sometimes I pray formally, but usually I just talk to God in my head. (I do it in my head because people around me would think I was weird and not want to be near me if I talked to God out loud.) I’m working really hard right now to become a better listener. My experience has been that God sometimes answers, either through another medium like a person, TV show or Bible verse or sometimes I get the answer as an idea that just pops in my head. Jesus often separated himself so he could go and pray. Prayer is an essential practice in the Christian life.

So our HABITS of a growing Christian begin with the commitment, the effort of Having a relationship with God. We keep this relationship alive and growing by living our commitment, by risking to trust, and spending time with God. Christians through centuries of experience and Christ who is the human expression of God, suggest certain practices and a certain character of lifestyle that help us build this relationship; some of those practices include prayer, worship, looking for God’s hand in the everyday, following Christ’s teachings and example and spending time in community with others who also seek God. We will be looking at more of these HABITS in the coming weeks. I invite you this week to consider the ways you attend to your relationship with God and how they add to the quality of your relationship with God. Are there any new habits you might want to cultivate? Amen.

ⁱ HABITS was developed by Doug Fields of Saddleback Church. He shared it at a seminar at a Youth Specialities convention. We have modified it slightly for our use. Doug’s materials are available at www.simplyyouthministry.com.

ⁱⁱ M Scott Peck, MD. The Road Less Traveled. (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1978,) p. 141.

ⁱⁱⁱ Howard Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Care & Counseling, (Nashville: Abingdon, 1984,) p. 254

Sermon delived by Rev. Nancy Cushman on July 31, 2005.